Fraudster

Somebody asked me why do I write an entry just whenever I am sad. Dunno. It's just that I can't contain the thoughts running in this fvcking mind when I'm a mess.

After a month, I drank beer and I cried hard. Again.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit may mga sinungaling na tao. Para di makasakit? It's just stupid. Moreover, selfish.

Why would you say that you love a person if you really not? Why would you make someone feel oh so special if there's this someone who's b!tch and you make her feel special too? Why would you fake a smile if you wish that you're infront of someone who really does make you smile inside out?

Fvckin why?!

I feel so stupid. Tila ginag@g0 na nga lang ako. But what's more stupid is that I am letting her to do these to me.

I dunno what she's waiting for - magkalakas siya ng loob o ang sumuko ako.

Thoughts rip my heart into pieces. I am not using metaphors, the pain is literal.

Worship songs in background. Yes I am a terrible person and not worthy of His comfort. But I need these now. I terribly need these. Him.

Beer made me feel hot inside. I purposely drank that so it could make me sleep. But obviously, it did not.

Pain watches me over. Alone in this room full of fake thoughts. Pretensions. Lies.

Maybe it's me who's faking everything. Believes that we're happy and in love. Imagines that she still loves me.