Fix the remaining three fourths
Art is obviously not mine. Saw it from an exhibit at Resorts World.
It has been 6 weeks and so. I told myself not to write anything here until after I have written the last blog post about her.
But I am telling you at this early part of this post -- This is not the last time I will mention her. And this is still not the last post we all have been waiting for. I am still not ready to talk about/to her. She hates me. And I want all of me to hate all of her, too. But I can't. I just can't. Dafak.
I need to cry. And I am not into talking to myself literally. I need an outlet. That is why I have this site. I need to breathe. I need to let this emotions be out of my system. It has been weeks. Two I think. Depression kills me. Yes, there are still pieces of her. But it is more about my life.
Since we parted, I have to go back where all other young adults have to start. Planning.
A year ago, I already envisioned my future with her. Living under the same roof, studying while working, reaching for our dreams, probably outside PH. But all of those were put into trash just like a crumpled paper.
I hate deciding. Especially if it is a matter of life or/and death.
1. Resignation. When, how, why. New work?
2. Masteral. Is it still possible? I really need to learn something new.
3. Being fit. Diet.
4. Moving out. With whom? Am I capable emotionally?
5. Reconnecting/keeping friends. Who are those unlucky people?
6. Fixing broken ties with family.
7. Relationship. Am I still capable of loving someone? Or. Am I still capable nof being loved?
8. Money. How should I manage these? Tithes? That follows the last item..
9. God. When would I go back to Him?
2. Masteral. Is it still possible? I really need to learn something new.
3. Being fit. Diet.
4. Moving out. With whom? Am I capable emotionally?
5. Reconnecting/keeping friends. Who are those unlucky people?
6. Fixing broken ties with family.
7. Relationship. Am I still capable of loving someone? Or. Am I still capable nof being loved?
8. Money. How should I manage these? Tithes? That follows the last item..
9. God. When would I go back to Him?
I believe that I am just experiencing what they call quarter life crisis. Tho I am still 23. Well, average life runs for about 75-80 years. And I guess, my current age is already about a quarter of any of those numbers.
Anyway.
I am afraid of what are ahead of me. Browsing Facebook News Feed gives me enough pressure. I have lots of thoughts running in my head. Supposedly, enough to divert my attention from that fvckin heartbreak.
10. Which should be on the number 1 spot: Move on. Release all the hatred and pain I am keeping. Forgive her and forgive myself.
Yes, it has been more than half of the year. The pain is still there, but more tolerable than before. I just need more time. But how much time, self? Time is running out. Fix yourself, your life, fast.