Much of Me Time

It is already 6th of December and I just found the time and mood for this entry. November was never been that fun until this year. I anticipated it to be jampacked but I never imagined that it would feel this way. I admit that it was less family oriented but more of self-oriented. Maybe because I felt the pressure from within to be happy without the help of everyone around me. For 23 years, I had always the thought that it is my friends' and family's responsibility to make this time of the year happy for me. But this year, it was different. I realized that I should learn to be genuinely happy even without them. I may offend everyone who cares for me, but I can not fool myself anymore. Maybe through the years, I have depended on others too much that whenever someone leaves, it tears me apart and I ought myself to waste months to cope up and be "whole" again.

Then another realization came to me, you might call me hypocrite as I always curse every now and then, but believe me, God is working on me. It has been a routine that every time I get hurt, I would hate Him, my life would be in darkness, time will pass and I will be okay again. And in every end of this routine, I always find myself being back to His embrace again - wounded but healed, hurt but always loved.

And now, I cannot find the perfect word to have smooth transition of thoughts. This post supposed to just tell you what happened during my birthmonth but the dramatic Merryl took the keys first. Anyway, to update my friends, stalkers and haters, I will post the events of my November in my next entry.