Pot pot

I found myself typing an entry, after a couple of months.

Hello, I wanted to update you with some news. Attempted to write about it few weeks back. But I cannot push myself to open this blogger app.

I started taking meds. Yep. Had my first appointment with the Psychiatrist last January 28, a Sunday.

The doctor scribbled notes about my life. Took me a couple of hours - non stop - to tell about my life.

I started the story during college graduation. Some flashbacks of course, hello to first Ex. And of course also, second Ex was included in my casting. And many more.

After the story telling, she concluded that I have Dysthymia. It's a chronic low grade depression. Meaning di naman daw siya kasing bigat ng clinical depression pero it can lead to it daw since persisting yung case. Kewl no

Then she prescribed me with my now fav medicine, anti depressants. Another two that I should take before I sleep, an anti anxiety and a minimal dosage of anti psychotic.

Thanks to those, that emotions in between my names little by little diminished. It is like that I am not the Merryl you knew. No tears, no emotions. An empty vessel version of Merryl.

One night, idk if it was because of my hormones (red days was around the corner) but I was able to feel again. I was so overwhelmed and happy that my tear ducts did its purpose again.

Tonight, I half purposely and half unintended to miss my medications. It is just that, its holidays and I want to be I am for the meantime when I responsibilities are not in red and I can bum all day.

I tweeted this before (follow me hehe @mehcanism) I turned into a anti depressant dependent woman.