Legit smiles, Legit Me.
I guess my site deserves a new post since I did slight modifications on its look.
Darker. More black. Not because of my current status but I find it more suitable me.
Black can be paired with any other colors. From white to pastel to neon. Yes, you may say that it does not represent me since I am not good getting along with all types of person. But black is not a color, others say. Black is the absence of color. Even its hexadecimal code, #000000, says the same thing.
Currently, me represents the absence of everything a mid-twenties should do/have. Yes, this is going to be another Mygad-I-am-in-a-quarter-life-crisis post.
In less than three months, I will be a year older. Some of colleagues are already busy with their own families - having a husband/wife or even just his/her own child. Some of colleagues are travelling not just in PH but in some places around the world. Some of colleagues are inspired with their own religion, making life easier for them. Some of colleagues are busy treasuring their loved ones, specifically, their parents. Some of colleagues are aiming high with their own professions. And me? I am not all of aforementioned, well I guess, I am trying to be the last one.
Why? I don't even know myself. I can not imagine myself having a child - with that, how can I even have a husband? I would like to go places, but I want to do it with someone special. They say that I should learn how to enjoy alone, but the reason is good to be in separate post. Saddest parts are that I do not know how to approach The One Up There again and my parents.
Well, I am sure, Yuichi has the answers to all of those. Smart as ever.
I am planning to make myself.. Um. I plan to be Merryl first. Defined by myself, not by the persons that surround me. Defined by my own emotions and thoughts, not by the environment I am trying to live in. Defined by my dreams and goals, not by the what-ifs and imaginations I feed to myself.
I guess step by step, I will be okay. Time will come that I can feel myself whole again. Time will come when smiles and laughter will be sent out from within.