Being alone but smiling

Being happy while being alone, isn't that bad. As they say, lonely and alone are not synonymous. They are two different words. And being the latter is not that bad. I tell you.

Realizing, I just started recently to try to be happy while being alone. No, I am not saying that I have already moved on from The Heartbreak, but I believe I am okay now. I got time to know myself more. Though not having a partner gives a lot of things a different perspective. 

For example, seeing the fields and the sun and the sky while wind touches my face, it's awesome. I can now smile with those simple incidents. I get teary eyed also because of those simple things. Not in a bad way - I am just so happy that I can smile now.

I am not that strong like my friends always say. I almost died because of heartbreak. There was this phase that I punish myself by not letting myself to smile in any true happiness I was experiencing. I was so afraid to get used to being alone. I was so afraid that fate/The One Up There would think that I am better without someone.

Well, time heals. Yes, I chose to run from her, from the pain, from any thing that could make myself remember that chapter of my life. But I believe that if you wanted to really move on, you won't read articles (oh god, that is why i never been a fan of thoughtcatalog.com) teaching you how to do it. You just have to know yourself and admit and do what you know that would be the best way to move on. For me, diversion and running away from all the memories.

Haha. Yes, I have this picture of ours beside my bed. But it did not play any type of role in this phase. This picture does not make me cry nor smile every time I see it. What scares/amaze me, every day I see it, myself on it - little by little - she is being forgotten. Not the memories itself, nor the girl beside me, but what I was with her, it slips out of my memory.

I don't want to be sad about it, I guess it helps me. I just have to believe that time heals. And that The One Up There heals my broken heart. Because as of writing, I know I still can not tell our story without crying. Hahaha. When time comes, when my friends or family asked about her and I can just tell our whole story without any tears, I know, by then, I already moved on and ready to fall in love again, one last time.

For now, I enjoy being alone. I enjoy having coffee alone. I enjoy times like this when I can talk to myself and have a healthy crying moment. I enjoy watching movies alone. I enjoy travelling alone. I enjoy walking and riding alone. 

What I still can not enjoy is sleeping alone. That is why during the night, I miss her the most.

I am thankful that I learned that being alone and lonely are not the same. It took me some time. But I am absolutely happy that I am here now. *smiles*

Disclaimer: Oh well, don't get me wrong, I also enjoy being with my friends! Haha. There are just times when I prefer being alone than being with some one. Well, true friends would understand :) Thanks!