Overwhelmed

Hello.

I honestly and currently don't know what to say tonight pero I feel like pouring out some emotions ulit. Latak na lang actually. Something happened last night.

"Wala na kong ginawang tama"

"Bakit ang dadali mo kong tiisin"

"Patayin mo na lang ako"

Those words came out of my mouth, and yes, it was my nanay to whom I screamed.

Last night was very painful for me. I wish I could document the feeling right at that moment because it was the same moment when I realized how much love hurts. 

We're okay now. As in nag usap na lang kami bigla kanina and everything's fine. Though gusto ko pa rin makausap si nanay, mag sorry.

What I want to tell about you are the realizations that Kuya and Dan made me think about. 

1. Do everything in love

2. My nanay has her own story to tell, that I have to hear

3. Make God the center of your decisions

4. Pray whenever the sickness triggers

5. I have a lot of persons to run to

6. Wisdom takes time, wisdom comes from Him

7. I have to be okay so nanay and I will be okay (not the other way around)

8. Harmony is not always good. Harmony is balance between good and bad

9. Life is full of challenges and choices

10. Faith in Him, I should recollect

Sa dami nilang sinabi, muntik na ko magnotes habang naiyak. Haha. 

What do I feel right now? Overwhelmed. Overwhelmed in God's love through Kuya and Dan. Para bang wala akong kawala sa love and presence Niya. Parang napakaswerte ko to be surrounded by people who pushes me back to the Almighty and the Almighty keep on pulling me back to Him. 

Sabi nga ni Kuya, kaya daw ako may sakit kasi way yun ni God para maramdaman ko love and guidance Niya. Siya gumawa sakin, so siya lang din makaka-alam pano ayusin yung wiring ko. I have no choice but to have faith, again. Faith that He will eventually heal me. Not now, maybe because He has still plans and by being sick, it will help me to grow mindful of myself. Not now, but eventually. Sure He will.

I am still loved by Him.