Suffocated

Okay, first of all. Nagulat ako, nagbago interface ng blogger. Hahaha

Next, what I am about to write will be super raw. As in kung pano flow of thoughts ko ngayon. I'll try to be as composed as much naman pero I am not in the mood para makipagsabayan sa ikot ng mundo ngayon. Well, ikot lang. Alam ko namang walang maghihintay sakin. Hihinga lang ako.

Soo.. relatively maaga ako gumising ngayon, 8am - ish. Kase may trabaho, which is tapos ko nang gawin, and need ko maligo ng maaga which implies na kelangan ko rin magexercise ng maaga. Soo bale, katatapos ko lang mag cardio dance, as in pawisan pa ko habang nagttype. Patuyo pawis, ganon. Haha. Agenda today kasi is the work na tapos na, testing ulit ng bagong system which is standby ako whole day, mani/pedi, meeting with core team about dun sa bagong system and other small tasks pa na need gawin. If may time pa aka need ng distraction for the real world, magUdemy na lang ulit me.

Basically, yung mga unang paragraphs, gusto ko sabihin kay Dan kaso ayown. Nag away kami kagabi. And yes, kaya ako andito ngayon. Wala akong kausap. Naka poker face pa din ako kahit magtatlong oras na kong gising which is hindi usual para sa taong regular naman inom ng anti depressants. Hindi naman sa wala ako sa mood ngayon. Wala lang akong ganang maging masaya today. Na most probably, magagalit na naman si Dan. Hahanapan na naman ako ng progress sa life goal ko. Minsan, ang tingin ko kay Dan ay isang malaking orasan, timer, malaking tarpaulin na nakasulat high expectations. Which is for me, defense mech ko sa utak ko is for my betterment naman. Which is totoo naman di ba. Evevrything he says and suggests is for me to get better, whether physically, mentally, or emotionally. Kaya minsan, may mask ako, kahit manipis lang whenever I interact with him. Di mo naman maalis yun, kasi I want to be pleasant as much as possible in front of him.

And yes, quick update our status, di pa din naman kami. 

Ayun. Naglabas lang ng emosyon today ng umaga. Para naman okay flow ng today ko, hindi man masaya, nasa mood naman. Kailangan ko din ng happy mask in front of my fam for today. Haha. Ang hassle, ECQ na nga, may mga social masks pa kong sinusuot. 

Cooking lunch and snacks, doing groceries, other household errands, exercise, studying, working, at makipaglandian ng konte. Mejo busy. Busy sa pagiging okay. Busy trying to be a normal person. I cannot just lie down and stare at the ceiling. Walang progress dun. Kelangan meron akong ginagawang productive. Minsan hindi na ako makahinga. All for my betterment, di ba, self?